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Joke of the Day

"Who wrote the book The Russian Milkman? Ipul Titsky"

"Water is so good when it's mixed with barley, hops, and yeast."

"I bought a nice 12 year old scotch yesterday. His parents weren't pleased."

"Perfect Date: 1) Get kids out of the house 2) Light some candles 3) Burn the house down 4) Collect the insurance 5) Take her somewhere nice"

"An apple a day..... Causes job shortages in the hospital. Have a burger instead!"

"Curb stomping your enemies and having the last thing they see in their pointless lives be your Skechers lighting up >>>>"

"[At supermarket] ""Excuse me do you work here?"" WHAT? ME? Work HERE? Hell no. I went to college. I don't have a job"

"What do you call somebody with no body and just a nose? Nobody knows!"

"I think if Abraham Lincoln were alive today... He would probably look around, scream, and then desperately claw at the inside of his coffin."

"I'm tired of people ripping on calculus all the time. It derives me crazy."