192370

Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100.. ..apparently 69 was not the correct answer."

"- You got so drunk last night, you were dancing on the table in your underwear!! - Me? In my underwear? You must have left early."

"Some people have six packs... I have a keg. My wife, however, has a goddamned brewery."

"Sometimes I think we are capable of great things as a species, but then I notice how many people can't put their shopping cart away."

"My friends bakery had burned down yesterday Now his business is toast."

"What's one thing that a beautiful woman and a jar of peanut butter have in common? They can both make me swell up to 3 times my normal size."

"I saw a black guy carrying a TV down the street the other day so I had to run back home and check that mine was still there. It's OK though, mine was still there, just sitting there shining my shoes."

"Whats the difference between a black man and Batman? Batman can go to a store without robin."

"Trail mix? You mean M&M's with obstacles."

"Two cookies were walking across the road... ... one gets hit by a car, the other one says ""ah crumbs..."""