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Joke of the Day

"I once asked my mom about the time I was conceived... ...she replied:"" Son, you were simply a blowjob gone awry."""

"You know what would be a good name for a cocaine delivery service company? Instagram"

"These e-cigarettes keep getting bigger and bigger. I swear I just saw someone smoking a clarinet."

"How would you rate an average upholstery job upon completion? Eh. Sew-sew."

"Just been banned from my church's Easter service. Apparently the first words Jesus spoke after emerging from his tomb weren't ""Ta-Daa!"""

"Have you heard about corduroy pillows? They're making headlines."

"You don't have to be good at anagrams to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo."

"I've been dating this lady who is gluten free... Problem is, we go to a deli, she asks, ""do you want to split a sandwich."" I say, ""sure"" and then I'm just left with the bread."

"Q: What did the parent say when the little girl was whining? A: Leave it to peave her."

"Ever get high off of watching Rambo? I got really Stalloned the other night."