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Joke of the Day

"A motorist ran into a shop. ""Do you own a black and white cat?"" he asked. ""No"" replied the manager. ""Oh dear"" said the motorist ""I must have run over a nun."""

"You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says ""whatever"" !"

"I went to check out a premature ejaculators' support group this morning But it turns out it's tomorrow."

"My dog really needs to learn how to drive a stick because what good is fetching one bottle of vodka."

"Why is acne better than a catholic priest? At least acne waits till a kid is 14 to come on his face."

"BRAZIL: Can you describe your attacker? RYAN LOCHTE: You wouldn't know him. He goes to another Olympics. #LochteGate"

"[getting a haircut] BARBER: anything else? ME: cut me BARBER: what? no ME: like sweeney todd BARBER: i'm no- ME:make me into a pie"

"Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text."

"How do you send a dog to space? Laika boss."

"How much do pirates pay for earrings? about a buck an ear."