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Joke of the Day

"Developer accused of unreadable code refuses to comment"

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"An upvote is like a minute of sex. I'd like 1000, but I can only muster 5."
"Mitches ain't shit but guys named Mitchell."
"I'm sexually attracted to biceps. Does that make me biceptual?"
"A pirate is never late.... (x-post from Funny) A pirate is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to. Although admittedly drunk, on fire and uninvited."
"Didn't think my kid was ever going to sleep, earlier.You would've thought the cops were here,the way she was resisting a rest."
"What's up with black people? They're not black... And they're not people."
"Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks, it's girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant."
"If you want to hide something from me, put it on my voicemail."
"I had some bad middle eastern food yesterday I just felafel afterwards."