19158
Joke of the Day
"People who aren't entombed in 8 feet of snow, what's it like to live in a tropical paradise?"
Next Joke
"My shy father was killed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key."
"When my time comes, I'd like to die nice and peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather... But not screaming in terror like his passengers."
"Accuse someone of denying everything. It's a hard one to fight."
"My kid just randomly recited my wife's cell phone number that we had no idea he knew. Now we're getting fitted for suits and hitting Vegas."
"[OC] What do you call a Portable Sperm Bank? Your Momma. Happy Mother's Day folks"
"BIRDMAN Little girl: ""Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"" Mother: ""Because he thinks he's a chicken."" Little girl: ""Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"" Mother: ""We need the eggs."""
"Girl, are you these plates I recently bought from Wal-Mart? Because I just learned that you're not microwave-safe."
"""If you're pregnant you can't get pregnant, the same goes for getting arrested, can you lick this?"" I ask, trying to roll a joint in cuffs."
"Do you like water? Yes? Well, then you already like 60% to 70% of me."