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Joke of the Day

"My 9 day old baby keeps chanting ""put the means of production in the hands of the workers"""

"Where did I get my scarf? It's a CVS receipt. You love it? Oh thank you very much."

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket ... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"I need to make a change. I haven't given a fuck my entire life. I'm still a virgin."

"Paul Walker proves god is real ! Paul Walker was meant to walk, but he took a car and god punished him for not walking. This proves that - Atheist: 0 Theist: 1"

"OLD SPICE: BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SMELL LIKE VICTORIA BECKHAM"

"If your partner says ""if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new,"" ""anything"" doesn't include getting stuck in a traffic jam"

"Dating is a win-win. If things go well, you eat food and fall in love. If they don't, you still eat food and that's all that really matters."

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup."

"NSFW What's the difference between foreplay and KFC? Once you're finished with the breasts and thighs, you're left with a greasy box to put your bone in."