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Joke of the Day

"""I bet you I can get people to buy the shirt from a game they don't even know how to play."" -Ralph Lauren"

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Ayeee-Matey"

"[first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty"

"Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls."

"What did one fish say to another fish after Eve had her first bath? Great, now we smell like woman."

"I used to work at a soda pressing factory... I had to compress soda cans all day. It was so depressing. (so...da...pressing). HA!"

"Did you hear about the two silk worms that got in a fight? It ended in a tie."

"What's the hardest part about a fat nun's job? Getting into the habit"

"They're not going to grow bananas any longer. Really? Why not? Because they're long enough already."

"Beer makes me feel invincible. Vodka makes me feel innvienceablrerrer. *falls down*"