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Joke of the Day

"So I went to the doctor, and he told me to stop masturbating. ""Why?"" I asked. ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""

"So a Jewish pedophile walks up to a kid and says ""Hey want to buy some candy?"""

"This polo shirt has two buttoning options: Uptight golf prick or disco chest hair."

"TIL that 4/3 people... Struggle with fractions"

"Five Secrets of Successful People:1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets"

"A waiter took my plate before I was done and I watched him carry it away like it was my sibling who was just chosen for the hunger games"

"Me: My body is a temple Personal Trainer: But what about all the food and wine and parties? Me: It's a temple to Dionysus"

"Have you found them? ""Not yet, sir."" THEY'RE MUTANT TURTLES THAT DO KARATE. HOW HARD COULD IT BE? ""They wear tiny masks, sir."""

"Q: What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow? A: To study economics."

"What are two letters a Brit can't live without? T and Qs."