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Joke of the Day

"If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They'll thank you later."

"So I thought I was going to buy a TV this weekend... Turns out I'm just sick of all these shitty forced puns on /r/Jokes."

"""Hustle back on defense you lazy bastard!"" screamed the 300 lb guy at the TV in this sports bar eating onion rings at 10:30 AM."

"Pilot: Hi folks, I thought it'd be nice to speak to you out here instead of over the intercom. Unrelated, is anyone on board a locksmith?"

"Two neanderthals had a baby... No Homo"

"What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday? Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years."

"Q: What's the best sport to learn when you are moving? A: Boxing"

"Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area."

"My diet this week consisted of 6 cheat days"

"What's the difference between having a badly poured draft beer and having a child with Down's Syndrome? If the head's too big on your beer, you can blow it off."