190725

Joke of the Day

"* wishes on shooting star "" the wish you have wished for has already been taken, please try again"""

"You say to-MAY-to and I also say to-MAY-to because nobody says to-MAH-to. Nobody."

"Was gonna get a brain transplant I changed my mind"

"I call my girlfriend Dumbledore. She's a head master."

"What's the difference between a fish and an elephant? (OC) You really can't tell the difference between a fish and an elephant?"

"Martha Stewart would choke on her craft supplies if she saw how I fold a fitted sheet."

"(original) I just got my flu shot and tried to draw something, but it still looks shitty. I thought it was supposed to make me artistic?"

"""I love plates."" - Plato"

"There are no winners in an arm wrestling match, only Nascar fans."

"Ever since my wife's miscarriage she's been drinking a lot Which is ironic because thats how she got into this situation"