190718

Joke of the Day

"Text him again. He probably just forgot that he's in love with you."

"My friend thinks he is so smart. He said the only food that can make a person cry is onions... until I hit him in the face with a coconut."

"A sociopath walks into a bar The bartender asks, ""What do you feel like having?"" ""Nothing."""

"Q: What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas? ... A: Mule-tide greetings."

"I should become a proctologist After all I deal with assholes everyday!"

"It's hard to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs Because they always take things literally."

"If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me."

"Can't believe my daughter said I was embarrassing her by trying to be cool. She needs to check the tude & stop being so wiggity wiggity wack"

"I like the phrase bury the hatchet because it implies someone was trying to resolve an argument with a fucking hatchet"

"I snatch kisses... ...and vice versa."