190316

Joke of the Day

"I tickled my little brothers foot this morning. And my mom went crazy about it. Something about ""Waiting until he's born""."

"Pretty woman, the kind that don't eat meat Pretty woman, the kind that likes to hug trees Ohoh what can I do? She's making me eat vegan food"

"Lochte turns up late for his Brazil hearing... ""Very sorry Your Honour, I got held up"""

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's the best plan healthcare.gov could offer me."

"Why didn't anyone believe the transsexual's confession? It was a case of 'he said, she said'"

"It's cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can't even dress the kids properly."

"[creation of bats] God: stretch out that mouse"

"Whats a Floridian hookers favorite drink? Sunny-D"

"One nation, under Trump, divisible... Trade liberty and justice for Wall."

"Why I love duct tape? It can turn ""No, no no!"" into ""mmph, mmmph, mmmph"""