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Joke of the Day
"My Friend is 5'8""... Some people would say he's tall, but I think he's just high."
Next Joke
"You never have to worry about love at first sight if you steadfastly keep looking at your phone."
"""THEN HE GOES BACK IN TIME AND THE DOGGIE IS SAD AND ICE CREAM."" --My 3 year-old, telling a more coherent story than LOST."
"USA has Democracy, Syria has Autocracy, Iran has Theocracy, and Britain has... Pedocracy."
"When writing a resume, it's much more valuable to say you are an expert at ""replicate and repurpose functionality"" than ""copy and paste."""
"What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A chocolate ba-a-a-a"
"I saw this cute homeless girl on the street.. ..so I asked her if I could take her home. She smiled and said ""sure"", boy the look on her face when I walked off with her cardboard box..."
"5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup? Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup."
"I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks."
"A dodgeball player died recently... He will be missed."