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Joke of the Day
"If your mom still washes your underwear, you're not allowed to have an opinion about anything."
Next Joke
"The twilight of the German poets would be Goethedammerung"
"What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree might kill you? A pool table."
"My dog cant hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away"
"After I die, I want someone to periodically log in as me so it looks like I'm haunting Facebook."
"Wait... ""George Bush"" ..... George Bush Geonge Elush Ginge Eleshn Ninge Elevhn NiNe EleVEN NINE ELEVEN ..... BUSH DID 9/11"
"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? I'll see you next month"
"Your life is like a box of chocolates It will kill your dog."
"It is estimated that 1 Million people plan to gather at Times Square to watch the ball drop while looking down at their phones."
"Shout out to the people who don't know what the opposite of ""in"" is."