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Joke of the Day

"Me: Was this product tested on animals? Clerk: Yes. Me: [outraged] I knew it!!!! Clerk: Sir, that's a dog leash."

"""She must be shy"" is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me."

"Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world? It has 4 rabbits' feet."

"Don't let your dreams be dreams! -Plato, in discussion on , the Greek goddess of victory"

"Funny things to say after loudly farting in a public toilet I'll start with a couple I've heard: ""Systems check cleared - ready for drop..."" ""Whups, I'm sorry, I need to get that fixed..."""

"Hairdresser: How much should I trim off the back? Me: Leave it long enough for him to wrap around his fist twice."

"If anyone needs any morals, I have some I'm not using."

"What does a Polish guy do on the ice? He breaks in."

"Did U hear they're remaking 'Dirty Dancing' & Miley Cyrus is gonna play the abortion."

"omg this fire truck is being such an attention whore right now"