188690

Joke of the Day

"My dolphin died... I have no porpoise in life."

"Startup idea Dating app for pedophiles, Kinder. [huh?](/s ""Yiddish for 'children'. Also, 'pssss, wanna buy a startup?'"")"

"""Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."" ""10 kilograms you say?"" ""Yeah, 5 kilograms"""

"Can't afford Sea World, so I took my kid to a fish market. Me: 'Shhh, they're asleep' 'Mom, they're breaded' Me: 'That's their blankie'"

"What do Eskimos and Tupperware have in common? They both love a tight seal!"

"What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in...."

"My ex and I didn't work out, you could say our stars didn't align I'm a Cancer she was a cunt. She was anything but a Virgo, and her Pisces smelt like a Taurus."

"It's ok to leave a client with split ends if you're a hairdresser. But not if you're a mohel!"

"LPT: Take your garbage can to the supermarket with you so you can see which items you've recently ran out of."

"""Daddy why is Santa's sack so big?"" daughter asked, ""because he only comes once a year darling""."