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Joke of the Day

"Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFO's and aliens. Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted"

"My iPhone corrects ""WHOA"" to ""WHOSE"", which just made my text response to ""I JUST HAD A BABY!!!"" a little awkward."

"There are two things I hate in every politician: their face."

"A man walks in to a bar... He said ouch"

"I have trouble even monotasking."

"What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name."

"A psychic dwarf escaped from prison There's a small medium at large."

"It used to be when people would tell me to go to hell, I'd say I don't believe in hell. But then I got married. So now I just say, ""Been there, done that."""

"I can't even I feel the phrase ""I can't even"" is rather odd."

"Guys, this may all be some sort of marketing ploy, but if the email I just received is accurate then local singles want to fuck."