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Joke of the Day

"Any room can be a panic room if she tells you ""we need to talk"""

"I don't always roll a joint... ...but when I do, it's an ankle."

"*puts on sexy underwear and high heels* *grabs whip* *flicks whip* *searches for scissors to extricate whip from hair*"

"I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said ""That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."""

"Why did the woman fire her masseuse? He just rubbed her the wrong way"

"Her:""Let's make a baby."" Him: ""Okay! Hold on."" *goes to bathroom* [5 minutes later.] Her: ""Where'd you go?"" Him: ""You meant with you??"""

"How can you tell if Asians are good at sex ? Because out of 6 randomly chosen people, 3 will be Asians."

"What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny? Rabbit up nicely it's a gift!"

"[interrogation] ""Where were you on the night of the 5th?"" ""Dealing drugs."" ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] ""Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."""

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WEREN'T THERE MAAAAN!!!"