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Joke of the Day

"A midget dressed up as a circuit board on Halloween night died you could say he short-circuited"

"My friend called me conceited the other day. That can't be true, though. Being conceited is a fault, and I don't have any."

"What do you call a greedy lesbian? Bush hog."

"I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why."

"The most reliable bridge builders in all of Mexico. Spic and Span"

"Say what you will about terrorists, but those guys really know how to paint the town red."

"[planning heist] Me: We'll need the element of surprise. Neil deGrasse Tyson: [appears] Actually, such an element does not exist. Hi, I'm Ne"

"I wanted to have a threesome.. ..but then I came to the realization, if I wanted to disappoint two people I'd just have dinner with my parents."

"The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who's half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed"

"that I like being lazy more..."