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Joke of the Day

"My friend called me conceited the other day. That can't be true, though. Being conceited is a fault, and I don't have any."

"I once met an Asian with excellent grammar... So I said, ""Wow, your grammar is so good!"" And they replied, ""No.....my grandma's dead."""

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil."

"ok open your eyes!! ""are those.. are those dead bunnies? what the fu-"" Febreze Air Effects. haha. covered it up well? ""im calling the cops"""

"Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?"

"My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test."

"My performance as ""guy who acts disgusted when wife says our recently divorced neighbor is dating a 23 year old"" is getting early Emmy buzz."

"An 81-year-old woman in the U.K. went sky diving to help raise money for a local hospital. They didn't raise a lot of money, but they did get a new patient"

"Its funny how guys always say they would give their left nut to do something awesome. Why is the right nut so much cooler than the left nut?"

"My buddy told me he was having sex with twins... I asked how do you tell them apart? He said, ""Her brother has a mustache"""