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Joke of the Day

"My friend called me conceited the other day. That can't be true, though. Being conceited is a fault, and I don't have any."

"Miss someone? Paint a helium balloon like their face. Deflate it. Put it in your back pocket. They're still gone and that was weird advice."

"Been rubbing this thing on my carpet for 2 hours and still nothing. How the hell do you recharge a smart car?"

"Why are computers in Palestine really fast? Because they've got Ramallah."

"i woke up my girlfriend with oral sex... ....she almost choked and is now mad :("

"Oscar Pistorius should be banned from the Olympics ...because he smoked Reeva"

"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar... The number of occupants exceeds the maximum allowable number for fire safety, and thus the bartender throws them out."

"Investigators say the Germanwings copilot suffered from manic depression. One minute he was up, then he was down."

"I ran into a fat guy on the way to work Luckily I bounced back"

"Why was the moth so unpopular ? He kept picking holes in everything !"