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Joke of the Day

"bill nye is short for william new years eve"

"[at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water"

"Why did the guitarist get arrested? For fingering A Minor"

"I walked into a shop yesterday... 14 stitches."

"Musicians are perverts. The drummer sits in the back beating it, the guitarist is constantly fingering minors, the bassist is slapping it around, and they all like the pianist."

"There's a new movement against cutting in line. Now that's a movement I can get behind!"

"Now the Fine Bros are suing Steven Spielberg He had to make the cast re-act 12 times before they had a viable take for the scene"

"Hey Girl, u must have gotten your steering wheel in my pants. Cause u are driving me nuts"

"She said we needed to talk and... I said, ""Yeah, I think we should break up, too."" She said, ""About where to eat."" ""Oh,"" I said, ""Pizza?"""

"I'm on a version of the Paleo Diet where I eat anything I want knowing that my fossilized remains will be plenty thin in 2.5 million years."