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Joke of the Day

"I've been informed that ""Ped Xing"" means ""Pedestrian Crossing."" So what? Child molesters on horseback should get out of my way, too."

"My ex just called me, sobbing on the phone to tell me she has AIDS and I should get checked. The hardest part is acting surprised."

"I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend, but she was on her period... so I had to pull some strings."

"How does a dog catcher gets paid? by the pound."

"Why do Irish stew recipes only call for 239 beans? Because one more, and it would be too-farty."

"Teacher: What's a robin? Fred: A bird that steals ma'am."

"Whats red and sits in the corner? A naughty strawberry"

"What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married? Feyonce"

"Huge bowls of cereal are the parentheses to my night's sleep."

"I'd pay someone to push me out of pictures when I'm drunk."