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Joke of the Day

"News: Hillary won the debate! My friends: Bernie won the debate! Trump: I won the debate! Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!"

"States are like butts No one likes the flat ones."

"It must have been something to watch MC Escher's kids run down the stairs on Christmas morning for all eternity."

"REPORTER: how does it feel that ur tweet got like 0 favs? ME: it made me laugh so I dont think its so bad R: how does it feel 2 be wrong tho"

"""Who watches this shit?"" - Me, watching shit"

"When you've got a bladder infection... Urine trouble."

"this is your brain *points to egg* but this is your brain ON DRUGS *puts egg on pile of drugs*"

"What do you call a statue of a ballsack? A scrotum totem"

"Seeing jelly in the peanut butter jar is gross, that's why it's important to lick the knife before you stick it in there."

"What I say: Play outside. What my kid hears: Find a spot in the yard where I can't see you so I constantly imagine you've been kidnapped."