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Joke of the Day

"I visited my friend in his flat He told me to make myself at home. So I kicked him out. I hate having visitors"

"Two men walk into a bar... Two men walk into a bar. The first man says ""I'll have H2O"". The second man says "" I'll have H2O too"". The second man dies."

"Pranks I think pranks are incredibly immature. They're such a childish way to interact with your friends and family. Why would anyone...lol jk! Gotcha, I love pranks!"

"What is something that mother giraffes have but no other animal has? Baby giraffes."

"Why would Adrian Peterson be a great baseball player? Because he's a switch hitter"

"[3am] *nudges wife* No way the old guy blew up all those balloons in Up in 1 night. Honey, you awake? I mean he's like a million years old."

"*steps on a Lego* *shouts a bunch of obscenities* Son: *walks in* is football on?"

"Build a man a fire, and you'll keep him warm for a night. Light a man on fire, and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"""The plane nosedived and crashed, due to a passenger's iPod being played during landing."" - No flight, ever."

"I thought it was funny... Came up with this one yesterday ""What did off-center say to tilted? I don't know either he told me to askew!"""