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Joke of the Day

"INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote ""I ain't afraid of no ghosts"" ME: *sweating profusely* Yeah why, do any ghosts work here?"

"*Watching YouTube videos* Boss: What are you watching? Me: .... Boss: ... Me: Church? Boss: That's a dog on a unicycle. Me: Praise The Lord!"

"STAYCATION DAY 1: Filled the birdbath with Nescafe just to see the startled look on those vagrant House Finches."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs. I still have no eye deer."

"The last time I saw my friend Peter he was counting. ""75, 76, 77..."" he said, as he began to walk away. I don't know what he's up to now."

"What is common with overly attracted girlfriend and bubblegum on a carpet They both say: I'm stuck on you. Edit: wrote it wrong Edit: corrected spelling"

"Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because it ain't murder if they had it comin'!"

"Cinco de Mayo means five of mayonnaise in Spanish."

"Who's the wost president ever? Guess we'll find out in January."

"I tried that whole ""if you love something, set it free"" thing but my kids are still here."