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Joke of the Day

"Toaster are like gremlins for people who are on a diet or don't want to kill themselves. 1. Do not get wet 2. Do not feed after midnight"

"I'm going to name my child Dick.. It rolls straight off the tip of my tongue."

"Just had a moment where I wanted to scroll down to read the comments looking at my bank balance online."

"Whats the Difference Between AWD & 4x4? Your sexuality."

"How many feet do 2 black chickens have?"

"Me and my girlfriend are always sleeping together. I think we both might have a touch of narcolepsy"

"I can't wait until I'm 69. It's going to be hilarious."

"I'd like deadlines more if they were called happy endings."

"Having persuaded autocorrect that I don't want to duck anything, I hope the council don't take my complaint about the pond the wrong way."

"Large scale pot-growing bust on my neighbors property I was charged with planting evidence..."