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Joke of the Day

"What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common? They're all girls on fire."

"In tonight's debate Trump said we can't trust the rebels I'm not surprised; he has always reminded me of Emperor Palpatine."

"WIFE: Why is the zoo calling us about a missing coyote? ME: [bleeding profusely] So... not a dog"

"Nobel Prize winners are a lot like farmers Oftentimes they are outstanding in their field."

"Why did they invent the shopping cart? To teach women to walk on their hind legs."

"Here's a new mythological creature for the consideration pile. Taurustaur. Half man, half reliable family sedan."

"Energizer Bunny The Energizer Bunny was arrested today. He was charged with battery."

"I have a Love/hate relationship with slashes..."

"What do you get when you hold two green balls tightly in your hand? A leprachaun's undivided attention."

"What happens when almonds die? Diamond"