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Joke of the Day

"Why did the octopus blush? He'd just seen the bottom of the ocean!!!!"

"The bartender says, ""We don't serve time travelers here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."

"I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close."

"How many friend zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They'll just compliment it way too much and then get pissed when it won't screw."

"What happened to the the Pentagon after the plane crash in 9/11? It turned into a hexagon."

"[starts 2 crack beneath crushing loneliness] anyone wanna get frozen yogurt or something, maybe orchestrate an elaborate jewel heist I dunno"

"I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high."

"I know they don't recommend ibuprofen during pregnancy but I needed something for the hangovers."

"Why is Def leppard the best band to listen to while driving? Because you only need one arm to drum along.."

"Where is Engagement, Ohio? Between Dayton and Marion."