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Joke of the Day
"What kind of exercises do lazy people do? Diddly-squats"
Next Joke
"Australian politics"
"I once saw a black man walking down the street carrying a TV And I thought to myself ""Hmm, that one looks a lot like mine!"" Then I remembered, mine was at home, shining my shoes. Silly me."
"What do you call a disabled cub scout? A nub scout."
"What is Kanye West's favourite kind of omelette? Omeletteyoufinish -stolen from raininginreverse on tumblr."
"My wife says I act really immature and need to grow up I told her to get the hell out of my pillow fort with that negative attitude"
"Saw a guy missing his left arm and leg, and asked how he was doing. ""Eh, I'm alright."""
"When a woman asks how good I am in bed... I'm definitely not the second coming."
"[first day as a celebrity chef] *Just a heartrending 40 minute montage of me struggling to get the potato masher out of the cutlery drawer*"
"""Press the cube root of the 11th digit of pi divided by .5 and doubled if you'd like to speak with a customer service representative."""