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Joke of the Day

"Three variations of ""Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals."" http://puu.sh/aTYoy/2e4a5f69b8.png"

"""FOR [sound of robot-computer meltdown/Buckethead noise] PRESS 1 FOR [feint but audible screams of someone being chased in woods] PRESS 2"""

"Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor? A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard."

"A friend of mine has a left foot fetish. It's just not right."

"Q: what's a biologists definition of a graph A: an animal with a long neck"

"I don't throw people under the bus because there's a chance they could lay flat in the center and not get hurt, which I'm not okay with."

"New drinking game: Every time Senator Bernie Sanders proposes something free, chug someone else's beer."

"Yo mama is so fat NASA wants to add her to the solar system"

"Can you lmb? person 2: what? lace my boots 2: ok I guess I can so you can lmb? 2: yeah I can lmb wait, you want to lick my balls??? wtf"

"Hiding from people at parties is my cardio."