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Joke of the Day

"Friends: Let's roll a fatty Me: I have a name guys and pls don't"

"When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look."

"The barber asks Bernie Sanders ""what are you looking to get done today?"" ""Oh, just fuck up the top 1%."" ""Say no more..."""

"Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is ""I can tweet that"""

"My friends and I got so high in Amsterdam that we went to a local store and stole a couple of bags of ice.... We took them down to the canal and released them back into the wild."

"Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition."

"My wife calls herself a trophy wife. I told her that's because I won the participation award."

"I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop anytime."

"What do you call a pastry with an English degree? A synonym roll"

"Sex so good the peeping Tom made sandwiches."