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Joke of the Day

"(Job interview) ""How would you describe yourself?"" I'm very vague ""Ok, can you be more specific?"" No"

"words that seem cool until you find out what they mean - atrophy - space bar - supervision - extraction - dogmatic"

"Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT."

"Menstruation is NOT a laughing matter. Period."

"The ostrich may have the right idea but I hate sand in my hair."

"I had my first UFO experience this morning I walked into the kitchen and said to the missus ""Morning fat ass"". Next thing there were flying saucers coming at me from everywhere!"

"What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F."

"*comes into work with black eye* oh please I'm fine guys! But you shoulda seen the other guy. He was a cabinet door that i walked into"

"When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think ""you fucking dirty bastard"""

"Girlfriends are like grenades. If you put a ring on them they won't blow."