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Joke of the Day

"What did the Headless Horseman ask his colleague at Bad Guys Inc.? What do I have to do to get ahead around here?"

"She left me 'cause of my obsession with double negatives. Guess she ain't never coming back."

"What's the difference between a piano,tuna and glue. You can tune a piano. You cant piano a tuna."

"Wife: (shouting) Stop watching porn.. ... I can hear it in the kitchen Husband:I'm not, it's Sharapova vs Serena... I'm watching tennis"

"911: 911, what seems to be the emergency? Me: My nephew just hit the wall while running 911: Haha Me: Haha 911: Ok paramedics are on the way"

"Why does America spell some words differently? They said ""We can do it without u, Britain."""

"Hugh Jackman and Kevin Spacey are sitting at a dinner party.... Hugh Jackman says, ""Hey, Kevin, can you pass the salt?"" Kevin Spacey replies, ""No soap, radio!"""

"I hate when I toss some cold pizza in the microwave, check Twitter real quick and when I come back I've missed 3 mortgage payments."

"It's the anniversary of the Titanic sinking. Fortunately, we've made sure that would never happen today by melting all the icebergs."

"Why are black people so good at basketball? Cause all they know to do is steal, run, and shoot"