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Joke of the Day

"Girl are you the burning bush? Cuz you're hot. And there's no conceivable reason you should be talking to me."

"I'm unpredictable. Like a dad on a field trip."

"Did you hear about the constipated Jew? He couldn't shit."

"A wine tasting? Where people SPIT OUT precious wine?! Sure, maybe we could go to the humane society and watch them put puppies to sleep too."

"I opened a company selling prayer mats with land mines in them.. Prophets are going through the roof!"

"I really need to stop killing people I have a lot of skeletons in my closet."

"Now that I'm 40, it's time to put aside childish things and be a man lol just kidding I'm drawing pictures of raccoons flying spaceships."

"What is Chuck Liddell's favorite fruit? The Grapple..."

"ME: I'll sleep on it. MATTRESS SALESMAN: Ok. ME: So wrap it up. I'd like to sleep on it tonight. MATTRESS SALESMAN: Oh, you want the... ok."

"Robin Williams died like he lived Depressed."