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Joke of the Day

"I've Noticed Bernie Sanders is Wearing a Ballcap Now at his Rallies. If he wants to invigorate his base shouldn't he be wearing a trilby?"

"whats the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead babies? my dick"

"I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me... She calls me her sixty second lover...."

"Coworkers: Zack, you should come to a hookah bar with us! Me: Why? Who's celebrating their 12th birthday?"

"What are Starbucks two shipping options? Ground and federal expresso"

"""Do NOT wake her up! It took me thirty minutes to get her to shut up and go to sleep."" -Conversation I just had about a damn Furby."

"At this late date, the only way I'm gonna be famous is if I save a baby from a fire. And the baby is filming the whole thing with his phone."

"Find a penny, pick it up. All day long you'll wtf, that thing is filthy. Wash your hands immediately."

"Note to shelf: Thanks for keeping my stuff off the floor."

"turkey went out of the frying pan and into the fire only for Putin to put them in the oven"