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Joke of the Day
"How do Mexicans cut their pizza? with Little Ceasars"
Next Joke
"A sign in the Zoo: Please, do no throw bananas in the dolphins' pool! 1. The dolphins do not eat bananas. 2. By now 3 monkeys have drowned. Thanks for understanding."
"I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts..."
"[meeting] BOSS: We need a name that gives us a good ad slogan ME: Perhapselline? MY NEMESIS GARY: Maybelline? B: You're incredible, Gary"
"How do you get a goldfish's attention? A U! Fish!"
"Don't act like you've never used a pair of binoculars to try to peer through another pair of binoculars."
"I just called the suicide hotline AND THEY DON'T THINK RUNNING OUT OF MAPLE SYRUP WHILE I'M EATING PANCAKES IS A REASON TO KILL MYSELFFFF!!!"
"Just saw the Lego Movie... ...it was very well *pieced* together! (Got this off Doug Benson's 'Doug Loves Movies' podcast)"
"*Buys new iPhone* *Crosses road tweeting about it* *Accident* *Dies* *Makes entry in heaven* - Sent via iPhone."
"My nan used to always tell me ""only boring people get bored"" I prefer to call it 'entertainmentally challenged'..."