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Joke of the Day
"Being OCD and an optimist, I see the glass half full but I measure to make sure it's EXACTLY half."
Next Joke
"I heard 80% of all accident happen within 10 miles of home. So I moved."
"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He lay awake in bed all night, wondering if there was really a dog."
"Fell asleep next to a beautiful woman I met last night. I tell you what, she was PISSED to wake up next to a stranger... And that goes double for her husband."
"I like my women like I like my wine Red and full of alcohol."
"Your momma's so fat. When she was born, the universe expanded."
"I was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old girl... ...i thought she was a couple of years older than that, I suppose that makes two reasons why I'm a bad father."
"Wife: Are you gonna wear that to the cookout? Oh... *reaches under mesh shirt* *takes off nipple ring* Better?"
"Three helium atoms walk into a bar HeHeHe"
"Boy, people who need attention continue to find new ways to get it, he tweeted."