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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: The tests came back. They don't look good. The tests: ok wow this is the kind of attitude that made us leave in the first place"

"If you're not one of the first five boys in the yard, you almost never get a milkshake."

"So I went to the proctologist.... [insert joke here]"

"What do you call a group of emos? The Suicide Squad"

"What do you call it... What do you call it when a bus and a car are put together? 12 Casualties"

"At my soccer game, the referee looked a lot like Edward Snowden... What a whistle blower."

"What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? Get a new wife"

"Who decided to call it an English to French dictionary and not a Two - Deux list?"

"Parenting tip: Unplug the microwave before dropping acid because you'll inevitably put the baby in there for safe keeping."

"Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs."