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Joke of the Day

"I dated a schizophrenic once... ...but I had to break it off because he kept seeing other people."

"and God said,"" Let there be light !"" Chuck Norris says"" Say please"""

"I'm the best at procrastinating.. Or the worst. Maybe I'll decide tomorrow"

"Why did the masseuse give her lawyer a happy ending? She thought he could come in handy. (I'll let myself out)"

"Me: *nervous giggle* Goodbyes are so awkward. Like do I go in for a kiss or what? Drive-thru attendant: Please just take your food, sir."

"Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking? I can't pair wines like this."

"Why was Santa upset when he got a sweater for Christmas? Because he was hoping for a screamer or a moaner."

"Why wasn't Christ born in Italy? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."

"What must a vampire earn to learn to fly? His red wings."

"What did one paedophile say to the other? Swap you two fives for a ten"