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Joke of the Day
"When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced."
Next Joke
"Oh you have a hard time gaining weight? That's cool. Here, hold this grenade."
"My doctor told me, ""If you don't quit smoking, it doesn't really matter how poorly you eat"" and that was the best day of my life."
"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. In many cases this will mean showing up to the interview in a pirate suit."
"I like my women like I like my coffee... In an airtight bag in the freezer."
"It's impossible to describe why u are angry at a parent without sounding like a lunatic. ""They wanted me to eat salad! Can u believe that?"""
"Which Harry Potter character is best suited for an apple product. Sirius black"
"I hope my childhood BFF forgot that silly pact we made at five to kill each other if we hadn't become ponies by 2015. She was really dark."
"I told a rape joke the other day and a dude got mad. He said ""I hope you have a daughter and she gets raped so you can see how it feels."" Well I mean she'd have to survive the abortion first."
"What do you call a punctuation mark that's got a girlfriend? ..accommodating."