179824

Joke of the Day

"[recording studio] Producer: Um what're you guys doing? Singer: Ending the song Producer: You don't have to fade out. We'll do that in here."

"Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!"

"- Hi, this is NSA calling. - Yes, I know. - How do you know? -- My phone is turned off."

"ME: haha u dare me to take off all my clothes and run thru this park COP: no ME: wow I cant believe ur making me do this lol COP: I'm not"

"""You're beautiful. No, you're beautiful! No, No, you're Beautiful. No No No. You're beautiful."" -Girls on Facebook Profile Pictures"

"*christopre walken givig tour of apt* this is my.. walken closet. and these boots. these boots were made.. *long unecesary pause* for walken"

"If you make fun of your significant other's love of Hunger Games are you.... Mockin'Bae"

"Advice to the worm Sleep in late!"

"Why can't women drive? Because there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom."

"Coworker: GOOD MORNING! Me: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee Coworker: But you don't drink coffee Me: Exactly"