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Joke of the Day

"My body is well-defined. If you look under the word ""flabby""."

"DEMON: [roars] KNEEL, MORTALIT IS I, BAELROTH THE SPOON-HIDER ME: omg what're u gonna do to me? DEMON: werewere you not listening just now"

"A crazy looking girl threatened to punch me because I kept playing Taylor Swift on the Jukebox. I knew she was Trouble when she walked in."

"What was the name of Paul Revere's favorite porno mag? The British are Coming"

"""Please stop misquoting me on Twitter,"" said my boss. ""It makes me sad because I am a large baby with a stupid haircut"""

"Aaron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree murder He has been sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. Not sure how much longer he's going to remain a ""tight end"""

"Welcome to Religion, where everything's pretend and women don't matter"

"Did ya hear about the guy who got his hand caught in the printing press? He's in all the papers. ...Ba-dum bum"

"Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane."

"I was thinking about making a chemistry joke But all the good ones argon."