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Joke of the Day

"So Halloween is fast approaching... Where I can get one of those cool Guy Fieri masks that all the anarchists are wearing?"

"Snake walks into a bar. Game over"

"The best thing about women is how they can tell you what you really mean when you say something..."

"On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics... On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics, even the pools are going green."

"[date] W: I'm really into astronomy. M: Oh! What's your sign? W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy."

"2016 is like a crisp autumn wind on a clear day in Venice It blows. (Get well soon Carrie)"

"I once dated a girl who owned a parrot. The thing would never shut the f@#K-up! but the parrot was cool though!"

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalottapuss *I have to give credit to my buddy /u/canavo for that one!"

"A truly historic day. Thousands of women at a mall.. and no shoe sale."

"Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games? Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border."