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Joke of the Day

"When I hear my boss coming over to my desk, I mask my body's heat signature with mud and sit still hoping she won't see me."

"Starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse."

"The Klondike Bar found out what I did for it, and now it's blackmailing me."

"What is black and white and red all over? A suicide note. Edit: I already feel horrible Edit 2: I left out a semicolon"

"Playing hard to get works with some men but apparently cops call it ""resisting arrest."""

"My Asian friend said he had erection anxiety... I said: ""what do you mean?"" He said: ""I don't want to see the dick rise to power."""

"Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!"

"Why are round bales of hay illegal? Because cows can't get a square meal."

"[NSFW] What is the best thing about gaffer tape ? It turns ""no, no, no"" into ""mmm, mmm, mmm"""

"Donald Trump Finally something worse than Twilight"