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Joke of the Day

"Time Traveler and Bar's We don't serve your kind here, said the bartender. A Time Traveler walks into a bar."

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"My wife's safe word: ""Not tonight"""
"Yo mamma's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones."
"A batch of muffins are baking in the oven ... a muffin says to the other muffin 'getting hot in here eh' The other muffin says HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN"
"Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!"
"What do you call a car accident between two Nissan pick-up trucks? Crash of the Titans"
"Once a girl lied to her husband about her extra martial affair .. You know what happened next ? Christianity"
"His palms are sweaty... His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: *TYPHOID FEVER*"
"What do you call the German word for Vaseline? Derweinerslider"
"COWORKER: I'm going to my friend's lake house this weekend for a party. ME: *lying* I also have friends."
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