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Joke of the Day

"What do you do when you come across Santa on New Years Eve? You wipe it off and apologize."

"How do you kill a guy with a coconut allergy? You put a bounty on his head."

"If you need help staying awake, subtract sheep in your head."

"My toddler appears to know a magic spell to transform any space into a Hoarders episode."

"Excuse me girlfriend for I have burped. It has been 3 weeks since my last apology"

"Whats the difference between a priest and acne? One waits till you're 14 before coming on your face."

"Q: Why did the farmer make a high-pitched gasp? A: Because he was tired of the sigh-low."

"Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts? He hates camping"

"Can't wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time."

"I'm beginning to think I'm a terrible host. Hubs says it's rude to answer every question with ""I don't know. Get the fuck out of my house."""