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Joke of the Day

"[One to tell militant women]: how many women on their period does it take to screw in a lightbulb? [Meekly] ^just ^one..."

"A word is worth 1/1000th of a picture."

"Was looking at smoking pipes on Amazon & realized that CW could look at my history.So,I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats."

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer"" from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"let me uncover this truth son-of-a-bitch"

"What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? The food!"

"At grandma's. Which means this morning I woke up at 8:45am and was still greeted with, ""Look who's finally up. We thought you were dead!"""

"Why don't dwarfs smoke pipe weed? Because it slows their *mine*"

"What's a orphans favorite ice cream flavor? Banana Foster"

"Coworker: it's dark already Me: I know, Dan. I have eyes CoW: it's only 5 'o clock Me: I KNOW DAN CoW: it's early Me: THAT'S HOW EARTH WORKS"