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Joke of the Day

"Why do you look out the window in the morning? Because you can't see through walls, and you can't see anything at night anyway."

"A doctor was listening to a teenage girl's heart ""All right,"" he said, ""take big breaths."" ""What?"" she said. ""Big breaths!"" ""Yeth!"" she said. ""And I'm only thixteen!"""

"**I am undecided about abortion** On the one hand I support it because it is killing children. On the other, it gives women a choice."

"My doctor told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked, ""Why?"" He replied, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"How do u castrate a priest ? Kick the alter boy in the chin ;)"

"Why did it have to be the dog? I have the hubby insured for $1.5 million."

"Missed connections: I was the guy in the Subaru listening to NPR; You were the river I briefly considered driving into."

"Why is Congress like a cold? Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose)."

"This bottle of vodka was on sale. So yes, I will party like it's $19.99."

"Leaving early on a Friday and saying, ""Have a good weekend!"" to people who have to work a full day is like dancing in front of a paraplegic."