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Joke of the Day

"The neighbor's cat brought me a dead lizard while I was outside having a snack on the patio, so it's now some weird interspecies potluck."

Next Joke
 
"A kiss makes my day. Anal makes my whole week."
"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Nothing.. She was gagging and choking"
"Girls are like Blackjack I aim for 21, but I always hit on 14"
"What do get when you cross a Jehovah's witness and a Hells Angel? Someone who knocks on your front door and tells you to piss off."
"Patient: ""Doctor, my eye hurts when I drink my tea..."" Doctor: ""Well take the spoon out then.."""
"What's another way to describe a contradicktion? A logical phallusy!"
"I started this new whiskey diet. I've lost 4 days already!"
"[god to lions] You will be the symbol of power and prestige [sees the crickets] Ew. Uh...you guys just yell real loud when a comedian bombs"
"""We have to get together sometime!"" is a great way of saying, ""I regret running into you."""